Pulling A Fast One

Oh no!

You know a date is really bad when it’s so short that your bus ride home counts as a transfer from your bus ride there. I think my entire evening with Xavier lasted 45 minutes.

It actually didn’t start out terribly, but I knew from the beginning that we were very different. He was from suburban Colorado, there was a lot of flannel involved in his outfit and he lived for the outdoors. I own almost no flannel and thrive in big cities. Never the less, we had a pleasant conversation while listening to live jazz at 11th Street Bar. He told me about his family (two younger brothers who also live in NYC) and his job, which offers almost no vacation time.

About three quarters of the way through my beer, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I returned, Xavier had his phone out and looked as though he was pretending to think very hard about something.

“I’m so sorry,” he started. “I totally forgot that my brother was getting back from a trip to Italy today. I told him he could stay with me, and he’s at my apartment now. I have to go let him in.”

I know women pull shit like this all the time, and I’ve been known to use the occasional, “My friend is having a nervous breakdown, food poisoning or a bad break up. Gotta run!” excuse, but seriously? That’s not even a good lie! People don’t just forget that their brother is coming to stay with them after being in a foreign country. And come to think of it, didn’t he just finish telling me that his brother has his own apartment in the city?

I smiled and told him he better hurry home then. We downed the rest of our beers and headed out. We were both walking to the same corner—him to catch the train to Brooklyn, me to get the bus uptown. We walked together and awkwardly hugged when we arrived.

“I’ll call you,” he said. Lies. “But I’m going to Italy for a while, so I’ll have to wait till I get back.” Things I should have said: “Really? I thought you didn’t get any vacation time? You couldn’t even change up the name of the country in your lies? ”

Instead, I told him I couldn’t wait, and headed home, thrilled about saving $2.25 on bus fare and contemplating a vacation to Italy.

—Raz, 25, NYC