Radical Honesty

Posted on September 19, 2012


This story is from Alice, a 39-year-old fashion director in NYC, as told to Raz:

My friend Jessica told me she had someone great to set me up with, an old friend Dominic who she hadn’t spoken to in years but had recently reconnected with. She said he was gorgeous with a great personality, and I was pumped. Then, out of the blue, she texted me to say that she didn’t think we’d be a good match and she’d explain more later. I got this email from Jessica the next day:


From: Jessica

Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2012 10:04:56 -0400

To: Alice

Subject: Get ready for this!


Hey girl,

So… here’s the reason why I don’t think Dominic would be a good match for you. You think you know someone, but then…

Read the series of emails below that he and I exchanged. I am so sorry. I had no idea.

Xoxox, Jessica


On Fri, Aug 24, 2012 at 4:21 PM, Dominic wrote:


Jessica, I started writing your friend a note. I’m into “radical honesty” these days, so I wrote the below, which I’m sending to you first. I have a feeling I’m most likely not what she’s looking for…




Hi Alice,

I know nothing about you, but our mutual friend Jessica is so sweet and kind to want to make love connections for her friends.


Here are some other things you might want to know about me:


1. I’m a sometimes-crossdressing pansexual who likes women, men, transgender women and transgender men.

2. I write documentaries about UFOs and screenplays about male lizard aliens coming to Earth in the bodies of human female women.

3. I’m a pothead.

4. I change my residence every week at the most, every day at the least. I kind of live out of my car. The places I live are nice, like a restored mansion on the banks of the Hudson.


Otherwise I’m sweet, kind, honest, funny, curious, empathetic, sexy and smart. My career as a screenwriter and filmmaker is going well. I’m also a musician; I have a band that performs songs inspired by history. I’m an atheist, and despite the subjects of my films, I don’t believe in the supernatural. I like lakes in the woods under the moon. I swim every day with a snorkel and fins. My jeans and t-shirts fit nicely. I can be funny when I’m on a roll.


Enough about me, what about you?




On Fri, Aug 24, 2012 at 6:16 PM, Jessica wrote:



I appreciate you sending this to me first, but I have to ask… Are you serious about the first thing??? If so, I’m shocked and had no idea, and if not, don’t put that in there cause it’s, well, not that funny and probably off-putting. Hmmm…

Now I’m confused…




On Fri, Aug 24, 2012 at 6:33 PM, Dominic wrote:



Yes, all true, and I severely apologize for being shocking/off putting. The message was intended much more for you than your friend. When I read it now I realize how absurd it would be to send it. Please take it in the spirit of honest respect.

Could we chat on the phone about this? Perhaps over the weekend.

Your old pal,



On Sat, Aug 25, 2012 at 11:05 AM, Jessica wrote:


Hey old pal,

Okay, so it’s all true. Whelp… I appreciate your honesty, as I’m sure these kinds of subjects can be tough to talk about. I hate to put a damper on this fix-up, but I can tell you now that you and Alice are probably not a good match and you shouldn’t email her.

She’s a very traditional woman, looking to get married and have a family, and I know your interests and hers would not meld. I don’t mean to sound like a naysayer. Just wanted to be honest with my opinion. I know her well. In any event, I’m sorry this has ended before it began. If ever there’s a gal who I think you should meet, I’ll keep my eyes peeled!




A good friend will set you up on a date when the opportunity presents itself. A great friend will get you the hell out of there as soon as things start going south. Thank goodness for great friends.


Posted in: Your Stories