It’s Filler Time

This story is from Rebecca, a 25-year-old journalist in NYC, as told to Raz:

I met Nick drunk at a bar (click here for details), and we started casually dating. When it had been about a month, he started getting upset that I wasn’t willing to take our “relationship” to the next level. Basically, he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He’d brought it up a couple times, and I’d always quickly change the topic. Honestly, I thought of him as my “filler guy”—someone to go to dinner with on a Wednesday night, bring as my date to events and take my mind off my recent breakup—but I knew he wasn’t what I was looking for in a boyfriend. Frankly, he was kind of clingy and a little boring. Of course, to his face I just said that I wasn’t ready yet, and why couldn’t we just have fun?

One Friday night, I invited him to be my date to a friend’s birthday at Ella Lounge. He came to my apartment first for a few drinks with my roommate and her boyfriend. They both pulled me aside separately to say that the amount of PDA Nick was expressing towards me was a little gross. Arm stroking, squeezing me so close that I was practically on his lap, constant kisses on the head and neck, etc. I like affection as much as the next girl, but this was getting ridiculous.

When we got to the bar, he said a quick “hello, nice to meet you” to my friends, then pulled me a couple feet away to make out. When I expressed to him that my friends probably didn’t want to watch us kiss, and we should try to be more social, he freaked out and went into the same song and dance as he had countless times before: Why didn’t I want to be his girlfriend?! I changed the subject, but he kept bringing it up, and he wasn’t making any efforts to be a part of the group. I dragged him outside so my friends wouldn’t have to hear his rampage. He then lectured me on the mixed messages I was sending; He said I should stop inviting him out if I wasn’t interested in a serious relationship. I was pissed. After all, I’d been honest about not wanting a relationship the whole time—which had only been a month!

Eventually, my roomie and her boyfriend came outside and told us they were heading home. “Great,” I said. “We can all split a cab.” Nick’s apartment was on the way to ours, and I was ready to drop him off.

“Aren’t you coming in with me?” he asked when we got to his block.

“You know, I’m really tired,” I said. “I’m just going to head home.” After the strange way he’d acted all night, the last place I wanted to be was his bed. Plus, I apparently needed to cool it with the mixed messages. He clearly had no intention of leaving the cab without me, though. With the meter running and my roommate getting more and more irritated, he went back into his speech, telling me I needed to follow through with what I’d started. I didn’t respond. I thought it would never end, but then he suddenly stopped talking mid-sentence. Without another word, he got out of the cab, slammed the door, and started running down his block.

“Well, that was weird,” said my roommate.

I thought that might be the last I heard of Nick. After all, he seemed so angry! But when he called me a couple days later to ask me out, I decided to give him one more chance. Maybe he was going to apologize?

When we met up, he acted as though nothing was wrong.

“I thought you were super mad at me,” I said.

“Why would you think that?” he asked. I told him about the night, and his slammed-door-and-run exit.

“Oh yeah, I was mad,” he said. “But I’m over it now.”

“OK,” I didn’t really know what to say. And he thought I was sending mixed messages?

A few awkward silences later, he said, “I lied.”

“About what?”

“I didn’t run away because I was mad,” he said. “I was just so drunk that I thought I was gonna vomit. I ran home and puked for like an hour.”

Well thank God I hadn’t gone home with him!

Truth is—drunk as he may have been—he made some good points that night. I was not at all ready for a relationship, and he was clearly desperate for one (His Facebook status says he started his next serious relationship only weeks after that night). Yes, the willingness to be my boyfriend after only a month and the excessive PDA had flattered me and made me feel better about losing my ex. But a good filler guy can only last so long—especially one who can’t hold his liquor.

Rebecca is a frequent contributor!
Liked this tale? Here are three more stories about her:

“The Tournament”

“Pirate’s Booty”

“Nicks at Night”