Bite Me

“Why Jane, what large teeth you have.”

This story is from Nick, a 26-year-old paramedic from Chicago, as told to Raz:

I met Jane in a college class. She was super cute, so when we were assigned to a group project together, I took the opportunity to get her number and invited her to a party. We hit it off, and started hanging out more regularly (getting drinks, studying, hanging out between classes, etc.). We hooked up a few times—only making out, nothing below the belt—and that’s when I started noticing the red flags.

Whenever we made out, she would get rough with her teeth. I have a higher pain tolerance than most, and I don’t mind a little nibbling here and there, but she would sink her teeth into me or bite my lip to the point where I would have to pull her off and ask her to take it easy. She would leave me marked up for the next few days all over my shoulders and chest. And every time I tried to make a move that would bring our hook ups to the next level, she’d jump back and push me away. After many failed attempts, I came to terms with the fact that sex just wasn’t going to happen. Still, we kept hanging out, and each time I’d notice her getting drunker and drunker.

Finally, after about three weeks, I decided I needed some space. She was getting clingy, my body couldn’t take the abuse, and frankly, it was embarrassing bringing this drunken girl out with my friends. It was one of the last nights of the school year and my buddies and I decided to have a night out at the bar. I hadn’t talked to Jane that day—I was trying to avoid it because I didn’t want her to come along—and I hadn’t quite gotten around to the needing space conversation. So I’m at the bar, having a great time with my friends, when I see Jane coming through the crowd in my direction. Apparently, she’d come to the bar with one of my friends who’d run into her and invited her out. (He wasn’t that great of a friend.)

I spent the night avoiding her and focusing on my friends. But people kept telling me she was bugging everyone, asking where I was. Eventually, I left without her to walk home alone. While walking, I heard someone yell out my name behind me. Sure enough, it was Jane.

I tried desperately to drop hints that I wanted to be alone that night, but she insisted on inviting herself over. I eventually gave in and let her come up. We started making out and the usual chomp fest started. I must’ve stopped her at least 3 times that night. At one point, she bit my lip so hard that when I pushed her off, there was blood running down my chin. I got upset, and went to the bathroom to clean off.

When I came back, she apologized profusely, but mid-apology had to run to the bathroom to vomit, bathroom door wide open. When she finished, she asked if she could take a shower.

While she was in there, I had to grab something from the bathroom. When I walked in, she pushed her breasts up against my shower curtain in an attempt to seduce me. Looks like she was giving me the green light to get past the “make out only” stage. But I was so annoyed and upset that I couldn’t have cared less. I ignored it, went to bed and called her the next day to say I didn’t want to bring her out with my friends anymore. She got the hint after that and stopped calling me.