Here’s Waldo!

There’s nothing quite like meeting people the good old fashioned way. You know it: you’re at a loud, crowded bar, and as soon as you mention that that guy over there is kind of cute, your best girl friend has tapped him on the shoulder and asked, “Have you met Raz?” So smooth.

That’s how I met Todd, and, as usual, my friend’s lack of restraint worked like a charm.

Todd and I talked and danced for the next half hour. Granted, the music was so loud that we gave up on talking after about three minutes. When it was time for a drink refill, Todd introduced me to his roommate.

“I’m Waldo,” said the small, blonde man.

“As in ‘where’s’?” I replied. Sometimes I crack myself up.

Waldo was not amused. But he did drunkenly inform Todd that all of their friends were leaving to go to Banc, a bar that is actually a couple blocks from my apartment. Todd asked me to join them. I had come with a big crowd, though (who I’d been effectively ignoring for the past 30 minutes), so we exchanged numbers and I told him I’d meet him as soon as I could rally my friends.

Unfortunately, sometime between my abandoning them and now, my friends had hit a wall, and wanted to head home. In retrospect, I wish they had convinced me to let it go and text Todd tomorrow. Instead, they dropped me off at Banc in a cab.

Entering a bar by myself is not something I do often. It was awkward, and, when I didn’t immediately see Todd, I decided to do one lap of the place and then abort my mission. I’d texted him to say I’d arrived, but got no response. My lap was almost complete when I spotted a familiar face: Waldo.

Suddenly, so creepy.

“Hey,” I said. “Where’s Todd?”

“Who?”

“Todd, your roommate…”

“I don’t have a roommate.” Apparently drunk Waldo thinks he’s pretty sneaky. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

“Yes, I met you 20 minutes ago. I was with Todd.”

“He’ll be right back. Let me buy you a drink.” What’s a girl all alone at a bar to do? I accepted his offer.

As soon as the fresh vodka soda was in my hand, the reply text came from Todd: “Hey, sorry. I was super tired, so went home.” Shit.

Suddenly, Waldo’s arm was around me, and he was literally leaning in for the kiss. In shock, I jumped backwards, spilling vodka soda everywhere.

Still, not one to be rude, I made small talk: “How do you know Todd? What do you do?” Waldo’s answers were short, sloppy and left little room for response. I was desperate. “What’s your favorite color?” I asked.

“Want another drink?” he responded. I looked down to see that I had been chugging my drink more quickly than usual.

“I should go,” I announced.

“Let me walk you home,” Waldo was suddenly an inch from my face again.

“No thank you, I’m fine.” I grabbed my coat and headed for the door, but there was Waldo again, two steps ahead of me. It was clear that Waldo was not going to be easy to lose. Ironic, right?

We walked in near silence.

“This is me,” I announced, even though we were a good block from my actual apartment. I didn’t want him to know where I lived!

He went in for the kiss again. Seriously?

“Goodnight,” I avoided his lean, and went for an awkward pat on the back.

As I walked toward a building that was not mine, Waldo switched from needy to flat out desperate. “Invite me up, babe!” he shouted.

Oh… you wanted to come up? Silly me, I had no idea. Please, follow me. (<– sarcasm font) I continued walking without looking back.

Somehow, I don’t think I’ll be getting a call from Todd. But I also don’t think I could stand facing roommate Waldo again, so that’s fine by me.

—Raz, 25, NYC