Mark Sucks

Posted on February 29, 2012


My latest adventure into the world of online dating almost made me want to throw in the towel. My date was with Mark (aka Negative Nancy). I learned a lot about Nancy throughout our date, and from what he told me I compiled this list of ten things that, according to him, really suck.

Things that suck:

  1. The University of Michigan. Nancy only went because he didn’t get in anywhere else.
  1. People who go to Columbia University. Nancy did his Post-Bacc there, so he met them all. And they all suck.
  1. Jewish Fraternities. Ugh, Nancy would have never been in one of those.
  1. Medical schools. He’s been applying for months and no one will accept him. But who cares, cause they all suck. Who would want to be a doctor anyway?
  1. Broken bones. I’ll give him this one. Broken bones are not fun. And Nancy would know. He describes himself as a “scrappy” athlete who’s broken a bone five times in 2012. Five! It’s February.
  1. 2012. See number 5.
  1. Online dating. Always good to know that the man you met online is vehemently opposed to online dating. But he had his reasons. (See numbers 8 and 9.)
  1. Nancy’s first online date. This bitch posted a photo that lead him to believe that she was more beautiful and thinner than she really was. “But did you have a good time with her?” I asked. Turns out, it doesn’t matter. Lying sucks. So do fat people.
  1. His second online date. So Date #2 was beautiful, kind and fun. They were having a great time during dinner and decided to head to the bar upstairs for a drink. That’s when disaster struck. “She asked if we could take the elevator instead of the stairs,” said Nancy. “Turns out, she had Muscular Dystrophy and didn’t tell me!” I naively asked why this matters. After all, they were having a great time. “That’s a degenerative disease!” he exclaimed. “I would never have gone out with her if I’d known. The fact that she didn’t tell me just sucks.”
  1. Crazy people. Nancy commented on the fact that I wasn’t crazy four times throughout our date. “I’m just glad you’re not crazy. Everyone I meet these days is crazy.” Crazy people suck.

The moral of this story? Mark sucks. We did not go out again.

Side note:  You know what didn’t suck? The restaurant that Negative Nancy took me to. Barrio Chino was fabulous—the jalapeño margarita was to die for, and the guacamole was definitely some of the best I’ve had in the city. Was it worth sitting through two hours of whining from Nancy? Questionable. But at least I got something good out of this sucky date.

—Raz, 25, NYC

Posted in: My Stories